I. Leave home for a month and suffer alone. Take your rite of passage, live in a small apartment in some nowhere town just to spite them all. Save gas by riding a bike everywhere, buy coffee just for the feeling of warmth on your palms, read books about the economy. Grow out your leg hair, wear too tight clothes, smoke disgusting cigarettes when you try to make friends in that stupid bar. Don’t call your mom, don’t think about your bed in your room. Don’t think about the emptiness that keeps lowering itself onto your shoulders. I want you to know what it feels like to be a piece of shit with no direction.
II. Go abroad. Cut your hair, dye your hair, shave your pubic hair all off. Let your soul become a window, with everything passing through it. Clean off yesterday from your feet, walk new steps. Learn another language and communicate very badly. Feel shy, too shy to fuck the man with the 5:00 shadow. Feel too young for any of these Europeans. I want you to know what it feels like to look from the outside into the fish bowl, to be unable to communicate.
III. Follow a career path. Listen to the White Stripes on the way to work. Go to the club at night. Quench all of your thirst. Destroy yourself. Get absolutely wasted and show up at work the next day. Draw on your thighs like you did inside of the holes of your jeans in middle schools. Force smiley faces, force winky faces on your attractive coworker giving you eyes. Become a telemarketer for love, calling at inappropriate times to have sex on your couch. I want you to know what it feels like to pretend to be an adult.